ask

God,
do you really know who i am in this?
do you know what's upon me?
do you know that this is the most difficult situation i believe i've ever been dealt?
do you know that to my core i don't think i can handle it anymore?
do you know that i'm still hurting?
do you know that i'm tired of trying? so very tired
do you know that i'm empty inside?
do you know that despite all of my best efforts, i still feel like i've failed you?
do you know that my heart hurts for those around me who are in this too and it's consuming me?
do you know that i'm so afraid of what's next?
do you know that i'm smiling to everyone, but i'm crying out to you?
do you know that i'm faking being okay because i know i have to endure this?
do you know that i'm around others who show your love, but i've never felt so alone?
do you know that i'm so grateful for the support i've received, but it hasn't taken away the pain?
do you know that i wish i was invisible right now? that i could leave it all behind and not look back?
do you know that all i really want is to wake up and it all to have been a very bad dream?
do you know that i want to escape this reality, my very real reality?
do you know that i want you to deliver me from this?
do you know that i know i need to keep the faith, but i still feel lost?
do you know that i'm scared of this moment, yet even more for what's to come?
do you know that i'm listening to your music, talking to your people, hearing what i believe you want, but i am still hurting?
do you know that all i want is to be near you? for you to take it all away?
do you know that all i've tried to do is what you would have me to do, but i feel like i've failed because it seems like it hasn't worked?
do you know that i wish i had tears to cry because i can still feel them behind my eyes?
do you know that i'm tired, so very tired of caring? that i think if i didn't care everything would be easier?
do you know that it takes all that is within me to carry on? that i believe i can't do it?
do you know that i'm worried i can't live like this? that i won't survive?
do you know that i am questioning? that i feel like i need answers for peace to come?
do you know that i am questioning?
do you know that i am questioning?
do you know that i am questioning?

something beautiful

the most beautiful thing in the world is the way God puts people into my life to guide me along His way at just the right time. that is the most beautiful thing. how forever grateful my heart is, how close i feel to Him now.

it is my sincere, honest prayer that i may return the favor to them, through Him, during their times of need before He ultimately steers us in different directions, before He sends us different ways.

"and i thought, that i saw, a light shine; i thought that i saw a light shine, yes.."



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zqYJj5ucG8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juaKGXrw4lU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKTwwGh8gMo

be thou my Vision

and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
from the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out

"...and whatever happens this semester, God, in our lives please help us to remember that it's really all about You. help us to focus on You.."