I have good news, friends. It may be old news because we hear it all so much, but we can never hear it too much. God answers prayers, and He answered mine.
You stay the same through the ages,
your love never changes
there may be pain in the night
but joy comes in the morning
and when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
because I know that You love me
Your Love Never Fails
You make all things work together for my good
You make all things work together for my good
You make all things work together for my good
hallelujah, amen*
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
alone
i'm sick of all the insincere
so i'm gonna give all my secrets away.
-OneRepublic
i should really get used to being lonely. it's been a good while...so i should seriously just accept it by now. he's not coming. i want to wake up in the morning and just be at peace with the fact that i'm alone. single. and be completely okay with it. permanently be free of the opposite sex ever crossing my mind. maybe if i go to sleep fast enough, it'll seem like this never happened. and like magic, i'm okay.
what i hate the most about being alone isn't the fact that no one else is around. it isn't that there is no one to talk to, or laugh with. what i hate most is that it leaves no one else to think about except myself. it's like all my thoughts take a huge dive inward, hang out there, and refuse to move. i can't stand it.
so i'm gonna give all my secrets away.
-OneRepublic
i should really get used to being lonely. it's been a good while...so i should seriously just accept it by now. he's not coming. i want to wake up in the morning and just be at peace with the fact that i'm alone. single. and be completely okay with it. permanently be free of the opposite sex ever crossing my mind. maybe if i go to sleep fast enough, it'll seem like this never happened. and like magic, i'm okay.
what i hate the most about being alone isn't the fact that no one else is around. it isn't that there is no one to talk to, or laugh with. what i hate most is that it leaves no one else to think about except myself. it's like all my thoughts take a huge dive inward, hang out there, and refuse to move. i can't stand it.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
prone to leave the God i love
"The man threw his arms around Peter and John, ecstatic. All the people ran up to where they were at Solomon's Porch to see it for themselves. When Peter saw he had a congregation, he addressed the people: 'Oh, Israelites, why does this take you by such complete surprise, and why stare at us as if our power or piety made him walk? The God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, the God of our ancestors, has glorified his Son Jesus. The very One that Pilate called innocent, you repudiated. You repudiated the Holy One, the Just One, and asked for a murderer in his place. You no sooner killed the Author of Life than God raised him from the dead—and we're the witnesses. Faith in Jesus' name put this man, whose condition you know so well, on his feet—yes, faith and nothing but faith put this man healed and whole right before your eyes.'" Acts 3: 11-16
i need to get over myself. then i might not feel so empty. if i didn't focus so much on myself and what i want and what i think i need...what i have and what i don't have- mostly what i don't have. i seriously need to be broken. my eyes need to be refocused. i need Jesus.
Please help me to not look inward, but look upward to You. Rejuvenate my faith in who You are...and shake the understanding i assume i have of myself and how i would have my life happen. Please reveal Yourself to me, God, so that i might see how little and weak i am in Your midst. How great You are to never let me go even when i put all my faith in my own will. My heart yearns constantly for You...how dare i try to fill that void with anything else? How could i love myself more than You? It's because of You that i breathe, that i live. Forgive me, God, and i pray that You would move me to fall before Your feet again now. You are God alone. In Your perfect name, Amen*
Thursday, July 8, 2010
perfect interaction
"Every choice we make
And every road we take
Every interaction
Starts a chain reaction
We're both affected
When we least expect it
And then when we touched
And it all connected"
-Natasha Bedingfield
I met a new friend yesterday...and it's funny how instantly we began talking, and soon the talking became real conversing. You know, there is a difference between talking to someone and actually having a conversation. He accidentally shut down the computer we were running tests on, so it threw our last experiment off. He turned to me and said, "You know, this means we're going to be here for 3 extra minutes..I just changed your life drastically. Anything could happen now that wasn't going to had I not accidentally done that. You ever think about that? How we're all so connected and the littlest moves we make, or don't make, seriously change the world forever?" Of course, we both reasoned that while the thought is entertaining, there is really no point in contemplating the difference our actions have on the way things play out, because after all everything happens a certain way...and so everything happens as it should. There are no "what if?"s ...and that's the beauty of it. The tenuous web of interactions we're all wrapped up in somehow unravels just right all the time.
Think about who you talked to today, who you saw in person, and who you spoke with on the phone. Think about what you watched on tv, or who you chatted on facebook. Think about what you read, whether in a book or on a sign driving down the road. Think about the exact time all of those things happened, what was said, what was heard, what was observed. Had you experienced any of it at a millisecond sooner or later, it could have all affected you in a different way...and any others involved in a different way. Isn't that fascinating? Isn't it overwhelming and exhilariting all at the same time? What really gets me, and my new friend because it was all a part of the deep conversation, is that we will never know the impact our littlest actions or lack thereof have on those around us or even very far from us. Had he not accidentally shut the computer down, and had our experiment not been done about 3 minutes later, then I would have texted someone sooner, called my mom sooner, ridden in the elevator with someone else or no one at all, pulled out in front of different cars from the parking lot, and had a completely different driving pattern on the way home which affects all those other drivers on the road. It's like the ripple effect. This intricate web we're all a part of is connected so vastly, yet with perfect precision.
The more I think about this, the more it makes sense not to worry about what is over. The more it makes sense not to daydream about what could happen, or would happen, or would have happened if I had spoken sooner, or done something later...or simply said or done something that I didn't do or say. You know? There's really no point in that because there is a much bigger, more complex, absolutely beautiful system at work before us, within us, through us, by us that we will never fully understand...and it never fails.
And every road we take
Every interaction
Starts a chain reaction
We're both affected
When we least expect it
And then when we touched
And it all connected"
-Natasha Bedingfield
I met a new friend yesterday...and it's funny how instantly we began talking, and soon the talking became real conversing. You know, there is a difference between talking to someone and actually having a conversation. He accidentally shut down the computer we were running tests on, so it threw our last experiment off. He turned to me and said, "You know, this means we're going to be here for 3 extra minutes..I just changed your life drastically. Anything could happen now that wasn't going to had I not accidentally done that. You ever think about that? How we're all so connected and the littlest moves we make, or don't make, seriously change the world forever?" Of course, we both reasoned that while the thought is entertaining, there is really no point in contemplating the difference our actions have on the way things play out, because after all everything happens a certain way...and so everything happens as it should. There are no "what if?"s ...and that's the beauty of it. The tenuous web of interactions we're all wrapped up in somehow unravels just right all the time.
Think about who you talked to today, who you saw in person, and who you spoke with on the phone. Think about what you watched on tv, or who you chatted on facebook. Think about what you read, whether in a book or on a sign driving down the road. Think about the exact time all of those things happened, what was said, what was heard, what was observed. Had you experienced any of it at a millisecond sooner or later, it could have all affected you in a different way...and any others involved in a different way. Isn't that fascinating? Isn't it overwhelming and exhilariting all at the same time? What really gets me, and my new friend because it was all a part of the deep conversation, is that we will never know the impact our littlest actions or lack thereof have on those around us or even very far from us. Had he not accidentally shut the computer down, and had our experiment not been done about 3 minutes later, then I would have texted someone sooner, called my mom sooner, ridden in the elevator with someone else or no one at all, pulled out in front of different cars from the parking lot, and had a completely different driving pattern on the way home which affects all those other drivers on the road. It's like the ripple effect. This intricate web we're all a part of is connected so vastly, yet with perfect precision.
The more I think about this, the more it makes sense not to worry about what is over. The more it makes sense not to daydream about what could happen, or would happen, or would have happened if I had spoken sooner, or done something later...or simply said or done something that I didn't do or say. You know? There's really no point in that because there is a much bigger, more complex, absolutely beautiful system at work before us, within us, through us, by us that we will never fully understand...and it never fails.
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