quicksand

it's not that i don't have words, it's just that they're all the same. the fact of the matter is that all i have is all the same. and it's smothering, it's deafening, it's consuming in a sickeningly addicting way. i want out, but not more than i want in. i'm caught in quicksand, my friend. and had i known by the looks of it that i'd be sucked in to sole misery, i would've turned. or would i've?

i want nothing more than to be out, free, inspired and empowered again. i want nothing more than a new concept, a better perspective...one that will allow something to click, to fit, to pull me from this entanglement that is weighing so heavily. i want my heart and my mind to be on the same page just for once. i'm tired of listening to my thoughts scream over the tremble in my chest. i want nothing more than for what i feel and what i think to finally dance together magically, perfectly. instead i'm caught, i'm all wrapped up in this web of contradiction between what i know is true and what i feel is good...between being drawn in but needing to turn away; to run away with my dignity and self worth towards what i deserve. but why in the world would i want to run to what i deserve if it has never felt as enticing as what i don't?

quicksand, i tell you. it's quicksand.