it just feels right

"It's all gonna be fine.
It just feels right.
It has the whole time."

It's scary to look ahead and realize God wants me to move mountains. It's comforting to know that the mountains won't seem like mountains if I agree to trust Him completely. Could this be it?

God, do you know that I'm scared? Do you know I feel lost and I'm trying so hard to hear your voice? Do you know I'm worried more about what other people will think than what you think? Do you know that if I do this then I'm solely going to be relying on you and that's something I haven't done to this extent before? Do you know that I feel so overwhelmed by a deal that I keep claiming 'isn't a big deal' ? I know in my heart that you're speaking to me to make a change in my life, but I'm startled by the way you're delivering the message...the world I'm surrounded by, that I'm living in is screaming for me to deny it. Is this for real? Please, help me see past the messenger to you. Help me to hear you. Won't you come close and hold my heart? Won't you help me act upon your will alone? In your name, Amen*

heart choices

"Even slavery can free other things within us...if we submit to the process."
-MMH

thank You, God. please help me to continue to listen for your whisper over all this white noise of what i want in the world. help me not just to hear it, but to be confident enough to stand firm on it, act on it, and rest in it. thank You, God.

Your will. not mine.

sunday rest

it's so refreshing to realize that God's been working all along; that even when i feel like my life is so routine and monotonous, He's been preparing me so faithfully. He's been moving people towards me and away from me so strategically. He's been carrying me through and pushing me forward so purposefully. how fulfilling it is to see God and really receive His blessings with open, thankful arms. His love is so overpowering. i feel like i need to be still and rest in it as much as i need to stand up and scream it.

thank You, God.

sunday rest

You must understand this, my beloved; let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God's righteousness. Therefore rid yourselves of all sordidness and rank growth of wickedness, and welcome with meekness the implanted word that has the power to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. For if any are hearers of the word and not doers, they are like those who look at themselves in a mirror; for they look at themselves and, on going away, immediately forget what they were like. But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act- they will be blessed in their doing.
James 1:19-25

the story God has for my life is to take me out of division into unity with Him. the story is to purify me so that i may be close to Him. oh, how He loves me enough to write my words, turn my pages, develop my character...that i may live ever after with Him. oh, how He loves me enough to bless my story so it may be read by others that they may also understand His holy, true ways.

an old new?

exactly 4 years ago was the first.
a moon closer than it has been in 18 years tonight.
laughing like we're supposed to.
i like it.

sunday rest

it's time to get serious about God's will for my life. no, that doesn't mean read my Bible more because it's what i'm 'supposed' to do or pray more sweet, empty prayers because they sound good and it's what i'm 'supposed' to do. that means realizing that everything i've been praying for has been conditioned on Him changing those around me. that means realizing that God wants to bless me and answer my prayers, but He is calling for me to make some changes in my life. He is convicting me. it's time that i get serious about listening to what He is telling me if i really want Him to bless me.

That is why the Lord says,
“Turn to me now, while there is time.
Give me your hearts.
Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning.
Don’t tear your clothing in your grief,
but tear your hearts instead.”
-Joel 2:12-13

"As long as you spend your life trying to change the world so you don't get upset, you're going to be upset. But when you can stay calm in the midst of adversity, and you can behave Godly no matter what anyone else does- now you're in a place where the devil can no longer provoke you. We are called to be overcomers."
-Joyce Meyer

We need to stop worrying about everyone else and get our own deal straight with God- thank Him for the conviction, thank Him for showing the light so we don't have to be consumed by the dark in our hearts, thank Him for wanting to answer our prayers so much that He reveals what is preventing us from hearing Him. For those whom the Lord loves, He convicts.

it's time to get serious.
salvation is freely given but the anointing of God over my life is going to cost me. the power of God acting in my life is going to cost me. i need to be ready to get serious about what God wants for me and know that it's not going to be easy and sacrifices are going to have to be made. He will convict me, He will reveal to me what I need to remove from my life, He will show me what I should be focusing on, He will provoke me to do things that are uncomfortable, He will put me through circumstances that force me to rely on Him. the walk will not always be conducive to my personal expectations if i am serious about wanting God to bless it.

john 15:13

it takes a long, long time to grow an old friend
though we're growing up in different places now, going after different goals
though 3 months pass without really hanging out
though we're moving at different paces it seems
going there
being here
doing that
saying this
she's designing, i'm psyching and prepping
she's found it, i'm still waiting
though change has taken hold of our lives even as we still beg for it to let go

the most important part is all the same
it takes a long time to grow a best friend