good to know

so far from where you are
and i miss you
i miss the years that were erased
i miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
i miss all the little things
i never thought that they'd mean everything to me
-Lifehouse


is it possible to miss something you never even had? like to miss the idea? to give up on the hope, to let go of the dream that it would work out eventually? i think it is, and i think it's harder to deal with than missing past reality. you see, at least you can store real memories with someone deep in your heart to reference when you need them most...on the days you can't seem to smile no matter how hard you try. because at one time that person felt the same way, at one time you both were on the same page, you shared something special. that mutuality, no matter how distant it may seem now, is what makes missing something that really happened much simpler.

but what if that feeling was never grasped by the other person? what if it was always you, alone, wanting something so badly, hoping so desperately, living in a "it could happen" world so vulnerably? you took everything that other person did, and you believed what you wanted, you saw things from your perspective until you finally realized that it was all worthless, wasted time. what you hoped for really would never be, there was never common ground. only empty space. only a path you walked alone. you can't take that and store it in your heart for later. you can't look back on that and smile. all unrequited feelings give you is a loneliness that resonates to your core, a spirit that misses everything it thought it had yet never had at all.

how do you get rid of it? how do you fix that? most importantly, how do you not find yourself in the same situation with someone else again? how do you spare the heart that relentlessly misses too much already? that'd be good to know.