seek Him

first of all, i'm not sure that i was truly motivated to go to rockbridge with IV for the right reasons...i have a big problem with focusing on what i should rather than just what i want. the bigger picture of being with God and growing in Him wasn't on the top of my priority list for the trip; i was more looking forward to getting away from school and hanging out with people. so the whole trip in itself is a testament to God's power over my mediocre life that i most of the time assume that i'm controlling...because He definitely spoke to me in those five days spent in the mountains of virginia and i heard:

sin screwed up a lot of things including the relationship i have with God, the relationship i have with myself, the relationships i have with others, and the relationship i have with creation.

my purity ring doesn't mean much...yeah, my actions may seem good but my heart worships sin all the time instead of God's will. sin isn't a behavior issue- it's a heart issue. blessed are those who are pure in heart.

only a deeper, stronger, purer love- only the love of God- can overcome the love i have for my sin, and becoming pure in heart isn't going to happen overnight. a pure heart journeys with God, trusts God, and believes in the holiness of His power over my daily life. a pure heart mourns the sin yet has faith in God despite it.

worrying is idolatry. it is hoping in creation instead of the Creator. worrying means that i put more faith in the world than i do in my God overcoming the world.

when quiet time came on the third day, i was feeling beaten and overwhelmed. how dare i come to church camp for myself and not for Him? how could i not expect Him to meet me here and reveal himself to me? how could i still, after all these words spoken in His name, not feel touched? amidst these thoughts running through my head, i happened to flip to this scripture:

"Go to this people and say, you will indeed listen, but never understand, and you will indeed look but never perceive. For this people's heart had grown dull, and their ears are hard of hearing, and they have shut their eyes; so that they may not look with their eyes, and listen with their ears, and understand with their heart and turn- and I would heal them." -Acts 28:26-27

praise the God who reaches out to the most distant of hearts, who speaks to the least receptive, and who appears to the averting. what had i been choosing to see? what had i been longing to hear over His voice? where was my heart centered? then the wind blew the pages of my Bible to this scripture, and to this night i pray that it stays with me because it truly speaks to my sin- only 98% of my day is spent hoping for what i want, seeking out what i think i need. is a heart like that pure?

"...but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in hope, we are saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought but the Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God searches the heart..." -Romans 8:23-27

seek Him.
trust Him.
love Him.
seek Him some more.

only a heart after Him will have the peace He gives.
only a heart after Him will be pure.
only a heart after Him will be blessed.